Why is a Corn Nut?

The other day I was in the corner shop (as they call it across the pond) by my house and saw that there were seven different kinds of Corn Nuts. I don’t remember what the flavors were, but I do remember that they were all absolutely horrifying.

And then that got me thinking, “Why do Corn Nuts exist?”

Seriously, why do they? I mean, it can’t be because they taste good or because they look appealing in any way.

And then I envisioned what the pitch for Corn Nuts was like:

Desperate Marketing Guy: Okay, sir, so me and some lab techs came up with a revolutionary snack food.

Executive: What is it?

Marketing Guy: *pulls out Ziploc bag full of Corn Nuts* The boys in the lab call this MRG-12, but I think “Corn Nuts” would look better on a package.

Executive: Those don’t look very appealing at all.

Marketing Guy: Well, market research shows that people in the 14-25 demographic want a snack food that looks like it came out of a government surplus box. *Hands executive the bag*

Executive: *Opens bag* Oh, goodness, what is that smell?

Marketing Guy: *Getting very nervous* W-well it’s, uh, interesting that you ask that, b-because market research also shows that people in the 14-25 demographic want a food that smells like corn a lot, and whenever you open the bag, people will go, “Is someone eating Corn Nuts in here?” even though you opened that bag 3 days ago.

Executive: *Eats a handful of Corn Nuts* They’re alright, but where’s the flavor?

Marketing Guy: *Horrified* A-again, m-market research s-says that people in the 14-25 demographic said that they wanted a snack food that substituted flavor with a bunch of salt.

Executive: How many people are in this 14-25 demographic?

Marketing Guy: Approximately 32 million, sir.

Executive: Corn Nuts are the best thing the boys in the lab have ever produced.

It had to have gone something like that, right?