Bro Jewelry 101

Whens the last time you saw a Zales commercial advertising their new mens’ line? It’s because men were born to wear a minimal amount of jewelry.

Don’t get us wrong, some stuff can be pretty cool. Even Trevor has a gold cross around his neck which is a win for two reasons: it’s a reminder of his childhood when he got the necklace, and the gold cross will keep him alive in Boston as he tries to blend in with the large Irish-Catholic population.

But where does the jewelry line stop for guys? Well for one, there are a few people that are totally exempt from Jewelry guidelines. If you are a) in an actual band (no not a garage band), b) an accomplished actor, or c) actually living in the late 1960s.

Now that we have established the exceptions, let’s get onto the specifics of our jewelry rules.

First off, don’t wear ainklets. Very simple. Did James Bond wear an ainklet when he saved the world for the 20th time? Did American Marines wear ainklets as they stormed the beaches of Normandy? No, because ainklets don’t illustrate masculinity. End of story.

Next, don’t overload yourself with jewelry. A necklace can be pulled off, especially if you’re a professional athlete, maybe even a wedding ring — provided that you are over 30.

But don’t get carried away! Many of us men have been casually shopping at a store and found ourselves drawn to this awesome bracelet or, unfortunately, an ainklet.

Before we know it we find ourselves in line to buy our “great new accessories.” The next thing you know, you’re walking down the hallway looking like a Christmas tree. And no one wants that.

Along the lines of looking like a Christmas, there is the color of the jewelry you choose. Don’t be too flamboyant in choosing jewelry. Yes we are all for looking unique and what not but there is a difference between looking unique and looking like you just came out of a paint party. Men should know the difference.

The moral of story is jewelry can be cool, but it must be in moderation, similar to listening to country music. Also guys, don’t get too excited about it. We understand those moments when you think “Man I would look like a stud with that [insert accessory item here].” But your mind and reality are much different. Go for simplicity, not bulk.